1.25.2015

Really LOVING your body

I've been reading a lot of blogs and pins lately about women loving their bodies, fat bodies, skinny bodies, any bodies deserve love.  You shouldn't be ashamed to be big or little or in between.
Five months ago I just told myself I was going to be fat.  That was it.  I was eating healthy, I had worked out, but I just thought to myself, guys like curvy girls.  I'm curvy, not fat.  I'm totes fine.  I read a blog that said things like hot guys have sex with fat girls, a guy can pick up a fat girl without hurting his back, IN FACT! some guys prefer chubby girls.  I read this and thought, well alright!  Works for me, I'll just keep eating healthy, workout whenever I feel like it and I'll be fine.  I'll be chubby, but some guy will like me and I can like my chubby self. Perfecto! Thanks random blogger for such great advice!
Two months later I'm diagnosed with type two diabetes at thirty-three and I am like, WHAT THE HELL was I thinking?  I was killing myself and I didn't even know it, and that blogger told me I was fine, all those pins said it was great that I loved my "curvy" body.  I was perfect just the way I was.
I keep reading all these blogs and pins that are meant to be inspirational about loving your body no matter what you weigh.  But you know what?  REALLY loving your body is taking care of your body.  There is a difference between obese and curvy. You can be healthy and curvy, that's my plan right now.  I have no desire to be a size zero, but I DO want to be a healthy weight.  But being obese, it isn't healthy, it isn't ok, and it's not definitely not loving your body.  And you know what? There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthier, to feel better, to lose a little weight. Being obese is risking your life.  Diabetes is scary business and it typically goes hand in hand with several other health issues.
Some girls might read those blogs and pins and see curvy like America Ferrera was curvy, and some girls might read those blogs and pins and think curvy is Rosanne Barr.  I'm afraid for those girls that read those things and think I can be obese, it's fine, look, all of these people still think I'm beautiful, I can love my body.  And all the while they are just hurting themselves.
I guess my point is you can love yourself while wanting to improve yourself.
And why did that blogger write a blog about loving yourself no matter what you weigh and then base it on guys loving chubby girls? Does that not make sense to anyone else? Love your chubby self, you'll find a guy out there who will and everything will be fine...until you get diabetes, high cholesterol, have a heart attack at forty, whatever.  As long as you love your body when all that stuff happens it'll all work out the way it's supposed to.
Love your body, keep it healthy, and don't do it for some fucking guy.  Do it because you're worth it. Do it because you'll feel awesome.  Do it because your quality of life WILL be better. Do it because you want to.
You can do it.  You can do it!!  I did it, am doing it.  I thought I would be able to love my fat body, but guess what?  Now I know I can never go back to that.  Ever.  I feel so much better.  I hate that it took me getting diabetes to pull my head out of my ass. Don't make the same mistake I did.
Prove to your body that you really do love it and take good care of it.
Side note, I am kicking diabetes ass.  I just stopped taking one of my medications last week, and I'm down thirty(ish) pounds.